Have you ever tried to bargain with God? I have. I still do.
"Hey God... you see, I really don't want to go to college... but if that's what you want me to do... maybe I'll go if you provide the funds... but only then."
You see, God has a plan. Whether you like it or not, He is going to complete it.
As you can see from one of my previous posts, I know God has a plan for me. His son Jesus is my savior. He bridged the gap between me and God, a gap caused by my unrighteousness. "I now have a personal relationship with God. He has a plan for my life; one that will bring glory to Him. Philippians 1:6 'being confident in this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.' Philippians 2: 13 'for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.'"
Any relationship takes a combination of time and trust. Am I really taking the time to understand and seek God's plan for me? Am I truly trusting God with every aspect of my life?
I may not have wanted to go to college, but it was a part of God's plan for me. He provided me with the funds and all my other demands, almost as if He was saying to me:
"Oh my sweet Child, why don't you trust Me? I know you don't necessarily want to be here, but I brought you here, and I have a plan for you. You may not see it yet, but you are doing My work here. I want you to trust in Me, draw close to Me, and see all the wonderful things I have in store for you. There will be trials, but I will never leave you. I understand you are upset; come back to Me, and I will show you the way." 1 Peter 5: 6-10 “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experience by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”
I obviously didn't really internalize what God was trying to tell me the first time, and He's telling me again. And again. And again. And He will continue to do so, until it sticks.
Since being at college, God has blessed me immensely, even when I am throwing a temper tantrum, kicking and screaming all the way.
I have found a wonderful church about 10 minutes away from the college. A lovely couple gives me a ride faithfully every Sunday morning. I have been involved with their Awana program, having the pleasure of working with 15 adorable Cubbies, and on occasion 5 delightful Puggles. I get a ride to Awana on Wednesdays from a very encouraging young woman, and her adorable two year old. She encourages me in my walk with God in so many ways. I have found some wonderful friends there as well, who welcomed me from the beginning, and continue to ask how I am doing, and spend time with me. I don't ever feel out of place there, God knew it was the exact church I needed.
I have had the opportunity to head the girls Bible study on campus. Although this is challenging, I have a supportive group of beautiful young women along for the ride with me.
I have met a wonderful friend on campus, meeting through our EDGE Philosophy class (If you have ever taken an introductory philosophy class, you could probably understand why we found each other there). I was afraid I would be the one of the only believers here, and that I might not fit in at all, but she has come along my side and has helped me get through my days at Thomas. I do not know how I would be doing without her here.
God knew exactly what would happen. I have been too caught up in what I want, to see how God is using me and to see how I can follow Him more each and everyday.
Bargaining with God doesn't work. That is not what a true relationship with our Heavenly Father is about. It is about trust, and time.
"All you need is a little faith, trust, and pixie dust."